Why Lemon Puppy?

My puppy is a lemon!  I am waiting for the 'Cash for Puppies' program to begin so I can turn her in.  Don't believe me, behold: 

She is over a year old and still wets the bed (aka her crate).  We can't leave her in there for more than four hours at a time.  She definitely can't go to slumber parties with other puppies.  She has been in a cone five times since we got her.  That is about once every two months.

Lemon Puppy is constantly getting into ridiculous situations and mishaps.  She is the Amelia Bedelia of dogs.  There is always a story when I pick her up from doggy daycare.  Last week the patient and understanding staff mentioned that she managed to not only get into the staff bathroom but lock herself in from the inside and before they could break the door down, get herself back out again.

Would anyone like a puppy?